How to Help Someone Who is Grieving This Holiday Season!

The holiday season can be a difficult time for many people because it forces us to think back on the past year and on the loss that has happened. When we encounter someone who is grieving many times we encounter an awkward feeling of not knowing what to say or to do. Here are some things to do AND to not do when you are helping someone who is grieving.

1. Be present! Be physically close to the person that is grieving. Maybe the greatest gift you can give someone this Christmas season is your presence! There is something powerful about a person's presence. Your presence literally changes the atmospheric dynamic in a room. The very presence of Jesus will help in hard times. Joy is not the absence of suffering but it is the very presence of God. When you are present with someone who is hurting you are literally being Jesus in the flesh with that person.

Proverbs 18:24 - "A real friend sticks closer than a brother."

2. Feel their pain! You can't fake caring for someone. A person will know that you care by how you emotionally and mentally feel for them. This helps them knowing that you are carrying their pains and burdens as well. Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus because he cared. Our God is a God who cares and feels our pain. We need to let other people know that we care and feel their loss as well.

Romans 12:15 - "Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep."

3. Point others to Jesus with your words! During the darkest and worst times in my life the words of Scripture and Jesus have given me hope. Texting someone a particular verse or passage of Scripture can help them. One of the best things to say to someone is simply: I'm so sorry. This conveys your heartfelt hurt.

On the contrary, do NOT say things that minimize a person's loss. While you are trying to comfort them you are better off not saying anything than something like this:

"You'll get over this."
"You'd be surprised at how often this type of things happens."
"You have other family members or kids to be thankful for." 
"I know what you are going through."

Never minimize a person's loss or share cliché churchy sayings. This hurts more than it helps. The only and true answer is Jesus. Point people to Him foremost, but do so in a proper and loving manner. Allow people to grieve and to search for the answers found in Jesus on their own.

Counting God's Blessings During the Midst of Our Miscarriage!

In the history of our universe God has used EVERTHING for His good! When there is tragedy God is there. Where there is pain God is working through it. There has never been a time in my life when my God has left me. 

Connor Joseph Cosentino was born prematurely on November 19th, 2018. He was 16 weeks old. My wife went into labor on Saturday Night and her water broke on Sunday morning. A child's lungs are unable to develop without the water sac. Either my wife had an infection or something was just not right within her body. With no chance of development and survival Connor was born. 

My wife and I made a list and counted our blessings through the midst of this tragedy. We wanted to make sure that we remembered God for the good and blessings given to our family and NOT just for the ways in which we wished things had turned out. 

Here are the blessings God bestowed upon us during the process of our miscarriage!

1. God gave us Christian doctors and nurses! The doctor that my wife originally wanted as our OBGYN was the on call hospital doctor when we arrived. When it was inevitable that Connor was going to be delivered she prayed a powerful and heartfelt prayer over us. We had many nurses pray for us and ask if they could share our situation with others to gather more prayer. 

2. The body of Christ flexed it's muscles in support! My wife and I could not have more support from the body of Christ. We were flooded with text messages, phone calls, FB messages, cards, people wanting to walk with us in our pain, etc. Not only did our local church family step up to the plate but we are receiving care and support from people many miles away too!

3. I love my wife more than I ever have! Kim was brave and heroic. When I was a blubbering mess she was stable and supportive and vice a versa. This situation could have driven us further away or closer together. Through God's help we are more united and closer together then we have ever been. 

4. Connor was a boy! My wife and I thought that Connor was going to be a girl for many different reasons. The fact that Connor was a boy, in a way, was God speaking through my insecurities as a man. I have a desire to teach Biblical manhood to other younger men. This was a reaffirmation in my mind that God sees me as a capable father of a boy. 

5. Connor passed away before he was born! There was a chance that Connor would be born alive and that I would see him "move" outside the womb before passing. God was gracious to Kim & I that Connor passed away beforehand. 

6. Connor was born the day before Charis' birthday! Our hope was that Connor would arrive before Charis' birthday as we wanted to remember both events individually and not on the same day. Connor arrived approximately two hours before our daughter's birthday. 

7. Charis' birthday party! On Tuesday evening Kim and I had a small and intimate impromptu birthday party for Charis as we wanted to celebrate her and not sit in a lonely home. Charis received more presents than she will even get for Christmas and the support from friends and family was on full display. 

8. Fast Labor and no D&C surgery required! God was good in that Kim did not have a long labor and that no further surgery was required. 

9. Charis was in good hands! After church my wife and I rushed to the hospital. Friends in town watched Charis and Kim's family was also able to step up to the plate. We never had to worry about our daughter. Both our biological and church family greatly supported us in helping with Charis!

10. We received significant gifts/mementos! The hospital and many others gave gifts and significant things in which we will forever remember and praise God for our child throughout the years!

11. God's Word stuck with me like never before! Verses flooded my soul and provided strength and nourishment. My story was much like David's in that during the process there was extreme pain, confusion, and despair. Afterwards there was total and complete peace. I echo his words with the hope that I will one day see and talk with my son. 

2 Samuel 12:23 - "Why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but cannot return to me."

12. Glimpses into the future! God has used every tragedy and painful experience in my life for His good and for my betterment. I had a number of good conversations while in the hospital and my God is up to something good for the Cosentino family!

13. Got to watch the best NFL regular season game in the history of the NFL! The Monday Night game with the Chiefs & Rams is being hailed as the best regular season game ever. When I was in the hospital as a child I watched the last Pittsburgh Pirate no hitter. Whenever a Cosentino is in the hospital turn on ESPN because something incredible is going to happen. 

14. We love Charis more than ever before! When you lose something it makes you more appreciative of what you do have. We are thankful for Charis' energetic personality and zest for life!

15. We have ONE MORE thing to look forward to in heaven! Heaven is going to be incredible.....Eternal bliss with Jesus. It's not like I needed one more thing to look forward to in heaven BUT now I do....to meet my son. This takes some weight off of Kim & I's shoulders too. Connor is with Jesus. He won't have to suffer or struggle in this world and one day we will get to meet and be with him forever!

How To Survive the "Daily Grind!"

Life is a grind. There are constant struggles and battles. For many of us, there is no end in sight. "Giving up" regularly comes up in our thoughts and minds. We wish we could just escape from life and from others.

You just feel tired and down. The things that used to cheer you up don't (or at least not as much as they used too). Something drastically needs to change. If you feel this way then this post is for YOU.

How to survive the "Daily Grind!"

1. Embrace the Grind. This may run contrary to what you suspected. Yet, it's the other side of the coin that so few of us take time to think about. Everyone thinks of the "daily grind" as to how it is impacting us: tiredness, lack of joy, frustration, etc. Yet, the reason why you should persevere through the "daily grind" is to make the lives of those around you better. The fact that you are creating a better life for your family or to achieve your God sized dreams should make you want to embrace the "daily grind." The biggest lie is that what you are doing now won't be worth it in the end. Yet, if you push on you will be rewarded for your hard work. So when you are tired of the grind just think about WHY you are doing it. It's not just for you but for your family and for your legacy.

Lamentations 3:27 - "It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young." God is allowing the "daily grind" to refine us. Embrace this part of life and push on!

2. Healthy Balance. Once the "daily grind" takes over we give up the things we need the most first (sleep, good nutrition, exercise, margin in our lives, time with God, etc.) The best way to survive the grind is to come up with a list of non-negotiables that need to get done that day. If all you have time for are the top things in your list then it's still a successful day. In the end, you will go farther, be healthier, and do more in your life because you prioritized what is important.

3. Great Friends/Support System. It's a scientific truth that you are the average of your five closest friends. If your friend's lives are out of balance then yours most likely is too. If you show me your friends then I'll show you your future. Friends impact our decisions to survive the "daily grind" more than anybody else does. Want to live a more effective and more balanced life then maybe you need different friends who will actually help you thrive and not just survive through the "daily grind!"

Anything else that you would add to this list (other than coffee :)

The Most 'Forceful' Relationship in YOUR Life....and Why it Matters!

The most forceful relationship you will have in your life is with your father. Don't get me wrong, you will have other relationships in your life that will influence you. Your relationship with your mother, wife, children, and closest friends will all mold and shape you. I chose the word forceful with carefulness because it connotes just how deeply God grafts and shapes us through our relationship with our father. Every person has to come to grips and is forced to reflect on how their father has impacted them during their life.

Did you know that the word "father" is mentioned more than 1,100 times in the Bible. God has created father's to play a prominent role in our lives. Yet, 1 out of 3 children live in fatherless homes. To see how this is impacting our world and the next generation this article from the Art of Manliness will shed more light.....Article: The influence fathers and fatherlessness has on children.

Regardless of whether you had a good father or a bad father. Whether your father was present or absent. Whether he had many strengths or many weaknesses. (By the way, every person has at least some weaknesses). Our relationship with our father shapes and molds us as people in very deep, pronounced, and forceful ways.

Here is why we are forced to think through our relationship with our father 

1) How we view our father deeply impacts how we view the Father! Your relationship with your dad will force you to think and surmise what your relationship with your Father is like. Why are many people so mad at God? Because they are mad at their father and parents. We can't get past the analogy that God is our Father. When we think of God as our father the next logical step is for us to think through our relationship with our earthly father.

2) A father's primary job deals with leadership. The greatest leadership lessons we will learn are from our fathers EVEN if we learn what not to do. God created fathers with the express purpose of teaching us leadership. 

3) A father's role is unique. You will only have one biological father. You might have multiple children. You might get divorced and remarried and have multiple spouses in your lifetime. Even if you have a stepfather when you say the word "Daddy" it generally refers to the person who you look to as father the most.

We as people are forced to think through the dynamics of our relationship with our father. If done in a healthy way it will lead to forgiveness and gratitude. If done the wrong way it can lead to bitterness, anger, and resentment. The choice is yours.

Want Your Church to Grow? Emphasize Kids Ministry! Here's Why........

During our Youth Sunday I had the opportunity to help serve within our children's ministry. This was a rare treat for me as I typically preach on Sunday's. One of the reasons why I am excited about Legacy Church is that one of our values is that we send our best leaders to develop our youth! Much of our growth as a church has happened because of our emphasis in reaching and helping families.

Here is why YOUR church should emphasize children's ministry

1) "I know you care for me if you care for my kids!" The best way to show that you care for parents is to develop the best children's ministry that you can. As a parent I will do anything to ensure that my child gets what is best. If a parent's children are safe, growing in their walk and understanding of Jesus, and are having fun, then what more would a parent want! If you focus on reaching older generations then you will reach older generations. If you focus on reaching younger generations you will reach both younger and older generations. 

2) Your town demographics are younger than you realize! Unless you live in a retirement community in Florida my guess is that you'd be surprised at how young your town/city/area truly is. You can simply find age demographics of where you live on the internet. If you want to be relevant within your town then you need to think like the people in your town think.

3) Jesus cares for kids! If Jesus prioritized time with children then we should too. In fact, Jesus stated it bluntly when he said "that the kingdom of heaven belongs to these (children)!" There is awe and wonderment at discovering who Jesus is as a child. Working with children will help us as adults remember and rediscover that excitement for Jesus!

4) Your best ideas will come from those who are younger! What the younger generation lacks in wisdom they make up for with creativity and ingenuity. There are forms and different ways to do church that have not been thought of yet, but they will be by this next generation. You should always think of including younger people when brainstorming ideas that deal with the future of your church!

5) It's an investment for the future that pays big dividends! Children's ministry helps a church right now but it will also pay HUGE dividends years down the road. The children at your church will always have a heart for your ministry because it was were they learned and grew in their walk with Jesus. A church's best hires almost always come from within the church! Who knows you might be developing and grooming the next children's volunteer or pastor for your church!

We have a great children's volunteer team!

These two students won bookbags at our Back to School Kick Off!

Child Dedications are very special. This was our 4th child born in as many months! #LegacyBoom

How To NOT Grow Apart From Your Spouse!

As a pastor the #1 reason for divorce when I counsel couples has become increasingly prevalent. The couple simple started to grow apart from each other. Many times this happens slowly over years. Other times the relationship is volatile from the get go and to "keep the peace" they simple grow apart so as not to deal with the issues. Eventually they grow so far apart as a couple that they just give up and move on from their marriage. 

Marriage is a gift YET it is hard work. As a husband the hardest person to lead in the world is my wife. The reason behind that is because my wife knows everything about me sooner and in a deeper way than anyone else. If I am not leading myself then she'll think of me as selfish or hypocritical and won't respond to my leading. (If your not growing as a person don't expect your spouse to grow with you or closer to you as well). 

Here are the top 5 things a couple should do to not grow apart from their spouse!

1) Chase Jesus! Two people chasing hard after Jesus will naturally come closer to each other. It is an inevitability. If you both are trying to reach your lost neighbors the fact that you are on mission together will bring you closer together. If you pray together before meals or before going to bed at night you will be closer to each other. I have never met a couple who BOTH were chasing hard after Jesus and who grew apart in their marriage! 

2) Have a joint checking account! Money shows where our heart is at. If I look through your checking account in very little time I can tell you what you care about because it's what you spend your money on. If you truly want to grow together and are ONE then your finances need to reflect that as well. (It's perfectly ok to have separate accounts within your joint checking account where each couple has a smaller personal fund that they can spend on fun items for themselves but this needs to be talked upon and agreed upon together). Too many couples have strings attached or are guarded when it comes to their finances with each other. This provides tension within the relationship because it reflects distrust within the relationship and makes it harder for you to grow as a couple. Trust me, a joint checking account is a must. 

3) Spend time together! You don't need to spend every waking minute together and so suffocate your relationship BUT you should spend more time with your spouse, in general, then with any other person in the world! (There are various circumstances that this is not possible - military, work limitations, overseas schooling, etc., but you get my drift). A couple has to have enough in common that they can do fun recreational things together. If you don't have common recreational interests as a couple then sacrifice and do something that your spouse enjoys even if you don't enjoy it. You will have a good time because your spouse is having a good time. 

4) Talk about the future! Cars every now and then need to get a realignment because parts start moving away from each other. Couples need realignments too to make sure you are moving together in every aspect. The best money you will ever spend is in getting marital counseling even just to align yourselves better for the future. You can't afford to not be aligned together as a couple!

5) Serve each other! Part of growing apart from each other is that we selfishly want to do what we want to do. If you try and do simple things for your spouse and serve them it will naturally grow you closer together. Selfish couples grow apart while selfless couples come together! 

The Top 5 Time Wasters!

Wouldn't it be nice to get back an extra 1-3 hours of your day! Chances are if you make some slight adjustments to what you prioritize you can get some of your time back. Here is what I've found to be the Top 5 Time Wasters (in order).

1) Social Media - The average American spends 118 minutes (almost two hours) on social media alone. If you include YouTube and your favorite website, for me it's ESPN, you have literally "wasted" hours of your day. Here are just some suggestions that might help you when it comes to limiting your social media time.
- Don't check social media at all when you get home from work. Place your phone in an area where you can't get to it easily. Spend time with your family, not on your phone.
- Chart the amount of time you spend on social media. You'll probably get nauseous.
- Purge social media from your life all together for a time. Trust me, you'll still survive.

2) TV/Video Games - The average American adult watches a little over 5 hours of television a day! Most of this comes from Live TV (not DVR). There's very little that is shown on TV that can't be watched later via DVR. If you watch insurmountable amounts of TV let's call you what you are: lazy. While some TV and video games are ok for relaxation if you want to get part of your day back simply stay active and watch less TV.

3) Unnecessary Meetings - 42% of working Americans consider the meetings they go to for work as counterproductive. Meetings for the sake of meetings will kill an organization and a family for that matter. Very few things that come up are truly emergencies. For smaller issues tell your staff or family members that it can wait until a designated meeting time. 

4) Shopping - Let's be honest, lots of people shop online. It's very easy to browse and before you know it you're buying a purse or maybe a fishing pole when all you wanted to do was to complete your grocery order and buy some cantaloupe. Even if you have great control simply browsing over things with no intention of buying can be considered time wasting.

5. Grooming - Listen, taking care of your body is good and is a necessity. Spending hours on how you look can be a huge time waster. If you spend too much time grooming yourself you're vain. Cleanliness is good. Self centeredness is a bigger turnoff than being unkempt.

So there you have it, the top 5 Time Wasters! Do you agree? Did I miss any that should sneak into the top 5? What are your thoughts!

Why Having More Money Won't Solve Your Problems!

One of the biggest misconceptions in our world today is that having MORE money will enable you to DO more with your life. If I've figured anything out in life it's that having more money actually complicates decision making. Just having more money won't equate to doing more or to more happiness. 

Before sharing with you how having more money won't necessarily enable you to do more or to be more happy I need to share a disclaimer. Making more money opens up the possibility for you to do more with your life but it doesn't necessitate the fact that this will happen. Also, there is nothing wrong with making more money or having ambitious financial goals. This is wise and smart. Just don't think that once you become a millionaire you'll feel fulfilled and that all of your problems will vanish. 

What's more important then cash for people is in building better relationships! It's not about what you OWN but about who you KNOW! Money won't solve your problems even if you do more or own more stuff. Here are just a few areas where having more money won't solve your problems. 

Relationships - While having money helps you do more with people a greater currency in relationship building is time. The more time you spend with people the deeper and greater your relationships will be. If you have relationship issues with someone, just throwing money at your problems with them won't solve anything. 

Churches - Many leaders and pastors believe that if they could just increase giving then that would solve all of their church's problems. While money is a necessity for keeping a church's doors open it won't solve all of your problems. As a church planter I've had to learn how to be creative and frugal in developing methods and means that are cost effective in reaching people. Reliance and dependence upon the Holy Spirit should be a church's purpose and mission, not in increasing it's giving. 

Life Bucket List - While money may help you check off some items on your bucket list it won't solve all of your problems. I've found that the greatest personal accomplishments should be measured by achievement, perseverance, and grit and not simply based on the fact that you could afford to do something.

Happiness - Money does not equate to happiness. Accumulating wealth does not equate to happiness. We all inherently know this and yet we fall into the trap. How many people do you know who have traded in for a new car or built a new home to solve their happiness issues and it left them feeling emptier still? Money will never solve your happiness issues. 

I'm just curious, what did you think about this post? Agree or disagree? Feel free to leave your comments!

Why you are in DEEP TROUBLE unless you have THIS.......

You are in deep trouble unless you have FRIENDS! When I say friends, I mean true and loyal friends. At the end of the day having true friends could make or break you. Here's why:

1) Research states that YOU are the average of your FIVE closest friends! Your friends influence every area of your life. You are the average of your friends financially, physically, morally, and spiritually. For example, if your friends are pursuing Jesus you most likely are pursuing Jesus. If your friends are partying every weekend you most likely are partying every weekend. You are the average of your five closest friends!

2) There are very few TRUE and good friends! Research states that the average American can only name two close friends. 25% of Americans say they have ZERO friends! Our world is full of flaky friends. It's hard and very difficult to find people who will stick by you.

3) Without friends you are just one tragedy away from disaster! Every person will go through a difficult season in their life. Without friends many people fall into despair and hopelessness. True friends will help pick you up.

Proverbs 18:24 - "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother."

4) The only way to connect deeply with others is if you walk with them through their pain! There is a deep connection and bond that is forged when we walk with others and are present in their pain and sufferings. Simply put, we impress others through our strengths but we connect with them through our weaknesses. If you want true community then you need to be vulnerable with your friends.

 

5) Friends will sacrifice for your behalf! A true friend won't keep tabs or bill you later. They will sacrifice time, energy, and effort because they love and care for you. If you want to go far in life do it with friends. It may be messier, BUT you'll work together as a team and sacrifice for the good of each other.

I believe this with all of my heart, all of us are one friend away from changing our destiny! One friend could be the difference between hope and despair. One friend could be the difference between community and isolation. One friend could be the difference between heartfelt counsel and vindictive indictments when we do wrong. One friend could change your destiny!

Therefore, if you want a friend BE a friend! Be a person who is loyal, faithful, and is present when others are struggling. You can only attract a loyal friend if you are a friend first!

What Little Girls Do To Their Daddy's!

Having a child is a life changing experience. Having a girl as a Cosentino is just plain radical. My family has a strong tradition of having boys with the occasional girl sprinkled in. I just assumed our family was going to be more boy dominated and when I found out that my wife was pregnant with a girl I knew that this would shape and change my thinking in a strong and dynamic way. God has used my daughter Charis to help me see my family and the world around me differently. Here's how:

1) Protective - Having a girl makes you more protective as a father IN ALL AREAS that deal with abuse towards girls and women. I feel more passionately and pray more fervently for sexual slavery and for women's abuse issues. There are so many helpless and hopeless girls and women who so desperately need a father or a man to come to their rescue. If the world was full of father's who were protective of their daughters then the slavery and sex industry would come to a screeching halt!

2) Responsible - Having a girl makes me a more responsible man. I am charged with modelling for my daughter what a Godly husband and a father look like. In fact, her image and view of God will be shaped directly with how I treat, discipline, and care for her. 

3) Inquisitive - As a man I am in awe and wonderment at what a little girl's brain thinks and how it operates. I don't fully understand how a little girl can be jumping and rough housing around one minute and then modelling clothes and playing with her dolls the next. God has created women to act and respond in a unique and special way and I get to see this unfold and develop before me from the ground up with my daughter. 

4) Forward Thinking - I think more about the vision and future of our family having a daughter. While our society and culture has become more inclusive and open towards a woman's role in the workplace and home I need to be a visionary. In thinking about the future I will be able to see the roadblocks she will face down the road  to conform within the norms and pressures of society. I've been more apt to think about how God has wired her, what barriers she will face growing up, and how I can help her overcome those barriers!

Is there anything else? How has having a daughter changed you?!?

How To Adopt A Giving Mentality!

Think of the person that you admire the MOST in life. My guess is that they are one of the most generous people that you know. Giving is naturally linked with personal satisfaction. When we as humans are self-indulgent we will eventually feel guilty, depressed, and worthless. BUT when we give of our time, talents, and resources to others we feel as though we have made a difference in our world. Simply put, giving helps us to find purpose above and beyond ourselves. 

Ecclesiastes 5:10 - Those who love money will NEVER have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness!

The question then arises: How can we adopt a giving mentality?

1) See giving as a "test" of what is in your heart! Jesus states that "wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be (Matthew 6:21)." Simply put, what you spend your money on shows what you care about in life! If someone would do an audit of your personal checking account it would become very obvious to them what you care about. If you care about others and truly want to find satisfaction in life you will give of your time, talent, and resources. If you are a Christian, giving shows that you truly believe in the promises of God that He will bless faithful givers. 

2) Give REGULARLY! The only way to adopt a giving mentality is to give regularly. Giving should become a habit. Habits become the fibers of our character or the very essence of our beings. Get in the habit of giving a regular percentage of your salary to church or other non for profit causes. Get in the habit of picking up the tab when you go out to lunch with someone. Get in the habit of going through your cell-phone and calling people who come to your attention who need help. The most generous people are so because they've been doing it regularly for awhile and have made giving a habit. 

3) SERVE! Serving and volunteering is simply another outward expression of giving. As a pastor the most important aspect to assimilate and help people become connected members of the local church is to get them to serve. When you serve you have ownership of a particular ministry or area. When you have ownership you have "skin in the game" and will really care about what you are investing time, energy, and resources towards. It's easy to write a check, but are you willing to roll up your sleeves too?

4) If you feel compelled to Give then GIVE! Many times God prompts our heart to give toward a cause or we feel like we need to give YET we rationalize why we shouldn't give. We move that prompting to the back of our mind and quickly forget about it. In general, a person has 10 seconds to act on a prompting or they never will. People who are generous not only give regularly but they give to needs that God brings across their radar and that tugs at their heart too!

I'm curious, what are some other ways in which YOU have seen in others or you are personally trying to adopt to help you become a more generous person?

How to determine your CALLING in life!

A person's calling is one of the least talked about and self reflected parts of our being. When I use the word "calling" I am referring to God's primary purpose and direction for one's life. A calling pushes you to give up short term satisfaction for long term gain. A calling helps determine everything in our lives!

For example, God has called me to be a husband and a father. There are many trying and difficult days when I don't feel like being a husband and a father. There are many days when my wife doesn't feel like being a wife or a mother. Why do we continue on? Because we are called by God to persevere in our marriage and with our family. We give up the short term satisfaction of quitting and moving on for the long term health and growth of each other and our family. 

I believe this with all of my heart; The greatest calling you need to answer in life is whether or not you'll accept Jesus as Savior! If you answer the call of God on  your heart then your entire life and perspective will change. 

I believe God has created every person to a unique calling and purpose in life. The question is: What is God calling YOU to do and to become? How can you determine the call of God in your life?

The answer: Pain. God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad for our greatest calling! Part of the reason we all have struggles in life is because God is using those struggles to perfect us and to refine our calling. Our pain can be someone else's gain! 

Think to yourself: In what areas have you experienced the most pain, grief, depression, or hurt? I know that God is calling you to use that for good. When we are weak then we are strong (because we have to rely upon God). When we are at our lowest God speaks to us the loudest. When we are unsure of our future God is calling us to persevere toward a brighter future. 

My guess is that you have something that God has laid upon your heart that you now feel called to do. Here's my advice: Stop talking yourself out of what God has called you to do! It's easy to rationalize or to let fear win the day. Don't play it safe. You my have failures in answering this call. Yet, just the satisfaction of knowing that you are doing God's will should be enough for you. Very few answer the call. Will you?

A Letter to My Daughter's Future Husband!

To the future husband of my daughter,

          Nothing brings me greater joy then to see God work in my daughter's life and to watch Him provide for her. Up until this moment I have been the primary source of God's provision for Charis. Now that source of care, comfort, and responsibility is shifting to you. Before I say anything else I want to let you know that I am FOR you! I want your marriage to be healthy and to be all that God intends a Christ-centered marriage to be. I will not meddle in your affairs. I will support you as the leader of your new household. I will not gossip or cut you down in front of my daughter. We are not a perfect family, but we are a praying family. My wife and I have been praying for you way before Charis was even born. To join this family you must realize that there will be heated discussion and arguments at times, (it was your decision to marry into this Italian family by the way), but that at the end of the day we respect each other and admit our shortcomings. 

        A person's last name is significant. My daughter has a full understanding of what it means to be a Cosentino. Very shortly she will be giving up her last name for your last name. Make sure that you uphold the dignity and honor of being a man and protect the legacy of your name and household. I expect you to be the gatekeeper of your home. To monitor what comes in and out and to protect my daughter and your family. You ARE the spiritual leader of your home. If you don't take up the mantle of spiritual leadership my daughter will do it in your stead, and will come to resent you for it. Charis is a natural leader. Use her giftedness to your advantage as a married team. Yet, you must be the spiritual head. You are the one to bravely lead her and your family into uncertainty as our world continues to grow dark. I can assure you that my daughter is not a quitter. She will not quit on your marriage. A Godly man never gives up. The Bible says that even though a Godly man falls seven times he gets back up again. We expect you to take risks, to make mistakes, and to struggle at times. You'll be measured by how well you get back up and try again!

        You won't understand this until you have a daughter of your own but just hear me out. Charis will always be "my little girl" and I'll always be her "Daddy." Nothing will change that. What will change is that you are now the "main man" in her life and that's a good thing. My wife and I are excited to have you as part of the family! 

Legacy Church Update - Growing Pains!

Over the course of the past few years I've read lots of books and articles on church health and growth. There are plenty of explanations from "the experts" as to how and why some churches grow and other's don't. Before you read this blogpost any further the bottom line is simple.

God is in charge of His church and He grows it how He pleases. 

Don't get me wrong. There is human responsibility AND strategy is vital to the health and growth of churches. Yet, at the end of the day God grows His church despite our inadequacies as people and leaders. That concept is simply fascinating!

Approximately six months ago Legacy Church really started to pick up steam. I have no plausible explanation for it. We didn't do anything different. God was simply building His church.

As Legacy Church continues to grow and make in-roads with our community it's exciting but not easy. Whenever there is growth lots of things need to change. The structure needs to change or at least be tweaked in order to properly and effectively minister to the spiritual needs of people. The pace of church life increases. Ministry gets messier as you deal with the hurts and struggles of people. Setup as a portable church becomes more complicated as we have to increase our capacity in different ways.

There is no way around it. Growth is painful. Yet, growth is necessary for life and is good.

As I look to the future of Legacy Church I see a foundational year of growth. One in which we as a church prepare ourselves spiritually for what God has for us in the future.

Here are just a few glimpses (all praise to Jesus) in which God is growing His church and how we must be ready:

1) Our nursery has more than doubled in a year. We are launching a pre-school room on Sunday, February 4th. We are also thinking strategically on how to use our children's Sunday space to maximize our capacity in reaching children and their families. New things are coming soon!
2) We are adding another Life Group this semester! Our people are genuinely growing and experiencing community within our church.
3) We will be launching ministries to provide better care to those in our church as well as in our community within the next month or so.
4) This Sunday I challenged our people to pray for their friends and family BY NAME and we gave out almost all of the notebooks we bought to encourage our people to consistently pray for people's names. We are also starting a Bible Reading Challenge on Monday, Jan 15 and people are chomping at the bit to get started.
5) Our youth ministry, which partners with the CREW, is seeing lots of new students. Many of the students are part of  'work crews' in which they are helping to completely remodel the building for future growth.

Now is the time. Jesus is the answer. We must be ready.