How To NOT Grow Apart From Your Spouse!

As a pastor the #1 reason for divorce when I counsel couples has become increasingly prevalent. The couple simple started to grow apart from each other. Many times this happens slowly over years. Other times the relationship is volatile from the get go and to "keep the peace" they simple grow apart so as not to deal with the issues. Eventually they grow so far apart as a couple that they just give up and move on from their marriage. 

Marriage is a gift YET it is hard work. As a husband the hardest person to lead in the world is my wife. The reason behind that is because my wife knows everything about me sooner and in a deeper way than anyone else. If I am not leading myself then she'll think of me as selfish or hypocritical and won't respond to my leading. (If your not growing as a person don't expect your spouse to grow with you or closer to you as well). 

Here are the top 5 things a couple should do to not grow apart from their spouse!

1) Chase Jesus! Two people chasing hard after Jesus will naturally come closer to each other. It is an inevitability. If you both are trying to reach your lost neighbors the fact that you are on mission together will bring you closer together. If you pray together before meals or before going to bed at night you will be closer to each other. I have never met a couple who BOTH were chasing hard after Jesus and who grew apart in their marriage! 

2) Have a joint checking account! Money shows where our heart is at. If I look through your checking account in very little time I can tell you what you care about because it's what you spend your money on. If you truly want to grow together and are ONE then your finances need to reflect that as well. (It's perfectly ok to have separate accounts within your joint checking account where each couple has a smaller personal fund that they can spend on fun items for themselves but this needs to be talked upon and agreed upon together). Too many couples have strings attached or are guarded when it comes to their finances with each other. This provides tension within the relationship because it reflects distrust within the relationship and makes it harder for you to grow as a couple. Trust me, a joint checking account is a must. 

3) Spend time together! You don't need to spend every waking minute together and so suffocate your relationship BUT you should spend more time with your spouse, in general, then with any other person in the world! (There are various circumstances that this is not possible - military, work limitations, overseas schooling, etc., but you get my drift). A couple has to have enough in common that they can do fun recreational things together. If you don't have common recreational interests as a couple then sacrifice and do something that your spouse enjoys even if you don't enjoy it. You will have a good time because your spouse is having a good time. 

4) Talk about the future! Cars every now and then need to get a realignment because parts start moving away from each other. Couples need realignments too to make sure you are moving together in every aspect. The best money you will ever spend is in getting marital counseling even just to align yourselves better for the future. You can't afford to not be aligned together as a couple!

5) Serve each other! Part of growing apart from each other is that we selfishly want to do what we want to do. If you try and do simple things for your spouse and serve them it will naturally grow you closer together. Selfish couples grow apart while selfless couples come together!