Is it OK for Christians to CASUALLY date?

I'm going to shock most readers of this post right off the bat.......YES, it's ok for Christians to casually date.

 

Now for those who are curious or who are fuming mad let me explain.

 

I believe that Christians put undue pressure on dating couples. I felt the pressure as I was single throughout most of my 20's. I would posit that culturally within Christian circles there is an unhealthy push for ALL young people to be married. While desiring marriage is not wrong, forcing and pushing people to get married is.

 

For instance, try getting a job as a youth pastor or minister if you are single? It's near impossible. Trust me, I have plenty of single Godly and over qualified Christian friends who want to be in full-time ministry but are not getting hired. The reasoning behind this is not Biblical but cultural. Churches are not hiring single youth pastors due to Christian cultural norms that are based on fear (single youth pastors might do something foolish with female students) or are based on incompetence (how is a single pastor going to relate to married people).

 

What I am saying through my example of single youth pastors is that churches penalize and sometimes treat Christians as weird or as 'outsiders' who are not married. This puts unwarranted pressure on young Christian adults to get married.

 

Here are some Christian dating stereotypes that need to be shattered:

 

1. The thought that EVERY Christian person wants to get married or that there is always someone out there for you! While this is the desire of most young Christians what IF God is calling that person to be single?

 

2. The thought that it is a shame when a Christian couple does not work out? If the goal of dating is to find out if two people are compatible and right for each other isn't it a success when they figure that out, even if they break up. Instead of pushing two people to be in a bad marriage why not celebrate that they are learning about themselves and have high standards?

 

3. That you must envision possibly marrying that person even before dating them, otherwise why date them? While you must have high standards on who to date it's impossible to think about marriage without getting to know someone. I knew there were some traits that attracted me to my wife before dating, but I was not thinking about marriage when we started dating. I wanted to slowly develop a relationship with her. Thinking and talking about marriage on a first date is awkward and puts way too much pressure on the couple!

 

Simply put, casual dating does not mean purposeless dating! Nor does it mean boundary-less dating.

 

What I mean by casual Christian dating is that we should set up a healthy atmosphere for Christian singles to build relationships in order to get to know each other without unnecessary pressure. Trust me, there is enough pressure for a guy to ask a girl on a date. He does not need added outside pressure. He also does not need for everyone to try and set him up. This only adds pressure and frustration to his dating life.

 

In the beginning stages of relationships it is good for couple's to slowly get to know each other, grow together, and evaluate if they want to seriously pursue each other. In this beginning stage a more casual approach is good. As couple's progress and have the famous 'determine the relationship' conversations and decide to move in a more serious direction THEN the topic of marriage can be broached.

 

Remember, this beginning phase of dating is not purposeless. The purpose is in getting to know the other person and evaluating whether you'd like to become a serious 'item' in the future. It is not boundary-less in that couple's should be limited into how much time they spend with each other and what they do together (especially alone). It should have accountability (in that I recommend all dating couples) to tell their parents when they start dating for advice and prayer support. I told my parents about my dates even when I was in my late 20's. But, the beginning of relationships do need to be organic and healthy. I've seen way too many Christian couples get married prematurely due to unneccesary outside pressures. This led to complications and problems in their marriages.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Do you think Christians should be more casual in their dating relationships earlier on?

 

Why Youth Ministries Should NEVER Take Their Summers Off - Start Planning Now!

A good portion of youth ministries take off and don't meet for a few months during the summer. Other than maybe a youth camp or conference their rationale goes that they won't have a regular sized attendance and therefore it's not worth it to meet.

If I may be so bold, this thinking is entirely FALSE!

I believe that summers can be the most exciting, missional, and best relationship building times of the year for teenagers!

While many teenagers are gone throughout the summer on family vacations or sports/band camps the rest of the teenagers are simply sitting at home, doing NOTHING! The student's are stuck at home and are hungry to do something so mobilize them into action.

Here are some MUST do's of youth ministries in the summer:
1. Go on MISSION trips. The weather is nice for traveling and teenagers schedules are a little more flexible than during the school year. Short term mission trips help teenagers grow to be on mission and it creates great rapport and camaraderie within your group. Plus, it provides momentum for the fall and motivation for students to reach their lost friends in their schools. Mission trips are a MUST for youth ministries.

2. Plan RELATIONAL activities. Instead of doing 'normal' youth groups take the students off campus if possible and do pool parties or 'Capture the Flag' type of events. No lessons just structured relational time. On occasion, I've had more teenagers come to a night pool party than they'd come to a youth group during the school year. This allows unchurched teenagers to have a good time and allows you to build bridges with them and your students.

3. Go on a LARGE GROUP CONFERENCE/CAMP TRIP. Have a pinnacle event that you encourage all teenagers to be a part of that makes a lasting spiritual impact within their lives. It provides a rallying cry for you to promote and get students involved, especially during the slow summer months. This allows you as a youth worker to address all your students at one time which rarely happens during the summer.

This upcoming summer our youth program is planning on doing the following:
1. Taking Sr. Highers on a mission trip to the #1 county for drug abuse in KY
2. Taking Jr. Highers on a mission trip to inner city Chicago
3. Going to Momentum our group's large conference trip. It's worth it! If interested go to www.buildmomentum.org.
4. Recruiting teenagers to help staff children's outreaches throughout the year such as summer camps, sports camps, and to outreach camps to inner city children within the city.
5. Fun/relational weekly gatherings

Many youth ministries slow down in the summer but we try to RAMP things up!

The benefits to an active summer youth ministry are numerous:
Keeps teenagers active, equips them, builds momentum in the fall for your youth ministry, impacts your church, and deepens relationships and fellowship amongst your teenagers.

If you are going to be active in the summer it requires youth ministries to PLAN and to prepare. Our youth ministry is busy with fundraisers and logistical planning in the spring, but the payoffs are worth it!

Do you think youth ministries can be active in the summer? Have you started planning?

How to Make Valentine's Day a LIFESTYLE with your Spouse!

Valentine's Day is coming and with it a time for couple's to spend a romantic evening together.

 

How long does the synergy and feeling of togetherness last after just one romantic evening during the middle of February? A couple of days....a week maybe?

 

How does a couple continue in oneness all year long?

 

Genesis 1:27 - "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

 

As a high-schooler and college male I was focused on the sexual aspect of the one flesh component to marriage. While being one flesh does mean being physically intimate with one another it falls woefully short of all that God intended the oneness of marriage to be.

 

Being one flesh encompasses not only our physical lives but our emotional and spiritual futures as well! This is where many couple's miss out and start 'falling out' of love because they are not protecting and fostering depth with respect to the oneness of their marriages.

 

While personally missing the mark numerous times here is a short list of ways in which you can foster oneness with your spouse all year:

 

1. Take interest in your spouse's hobbies. For instance, my wife now loves fishing and I love going to hockey games. If an interest or a hobby is important to your spouse make it a priority to encourage them and try it as well. Who knows, you might end up liking it too and have something to do regularly together!

 

2. Be spontaneous. Have impromptu dance parties or just leave your house and drive and explore!

 

3. Desire to know what makes your spouse 'tick'. Plumb the depths of who they are. Make it goal to get to know them and everything about them during your journey together!

 

4. Feed their love language. Every person has a way in which they communicate and want love to be reciprocated. Know what your spouse's love language is and show love in ways that mean the most to them. If you don't know you or your spouse's love language go to http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

 

5. Prioritize time with them. Your spouse is your most important person on planet earth. Period. Guard and schedule time with them. Spend enough time with people in your church or who are your friends that they know you love them. Spend enough time with your wife so that she knows you love her more than your church or your friends!

 

6. Do NOT take your spouse for granted. There are plenty of things your spouse does so be appreciative for those things and verbalize it to them.

 

7. Pray with your spouse. Prayer is a spiritual glue that holds people together. Pray with your spouse at least once each day. We pray every night before going to bed.

 

8. Map out your future together. Have a long weekend get away in which you plan your future together. If you don't intentionally plan your future together you will stray apart.

 

9. Be your spouse's biggest fan. Root and cheer for them in life and make sure you celebrate the win's in their lives as well!

 

10. Serve and be on mission together. Make sure you are trying to reach people for Jesus. Nothing brings people closer together than in being in mission and serving others!

 

Did I miss any OTHER things to foster growth in oneness? Thoughts?

 

To the girl who I pledge to pursue until my death

Super BOWL or Super BUST?

The Super Bowl is the biggest sporting event of the year. Hands down!

 

There are so many expectations for everything that happens during the Super Bowl. Are the commercials funny? Is the halftime show impressive? Is the game memorable? Was your Super Bowl party lively and fun?

 

During the game people via social media give their instant feedback as to how they think each component to the Super Bowl is going. Everyone has an opinion and deems it necessary to share that opinion with the world.

 

At the end of this Super Bowl I had a feeling of emptiness. The first thought that came to my mind was: was this it?

 

It was a wild game that ended unexpectantly with the Patriots capitalizing on a costly play call by the Seahawks to win the game. After that play (and the ensuing on-field scrum) my wife and I turned the channel on our TV and that was it. The game was over.

 

Unfortunately, all the hype of the Super Bowl lasts temporarily. It might last for a week or so for those who are part of the winning team. Is that it? Is that all there is to life?

 

Seriously, think back ten years ago. Who won the Super Bowl that year? Do you remember the commercials or the half-time show? How was your Super bowl Party? My guess is that you didn't have the fondest clue to any of these questions. I didn't.

 

(Believe it or not, the Patriots won Super Bowl 39 against the Eagles 24-21).

 

Albert Pujols (1st baseman/baseball player) won the World Series and had to go on a vacation 8 days because the euphoria and excitement of winning it all only lasted that long. Just 8 days, a little more than a week! He trained his entire life for a joy that lasted a week!

 

Winning the biggest sporting event of the year FAILS in COMPARISON to WINNING in ETERNITY with JESUS!

 

Yet human nature draws us to the big and the spectacular such as the Super Bowl.

 

Is the Super Bowl really SUPER or is it just a Super Bust? I guess the answer lies in where you will be spending eternity as that will skew your viewpoint. What do YOU think?