Is it OK for Christians to CASUALLY date?

I'm going to shock most readers of this post right off the bat.......YES, it's ok for Christians to casually date.

 

Now for those who are curious or who are fuming mad let me explain.

 

I believe that Christians put undue pressure on dating couples. I felt the pressure as I was single throughout most of my 20's. I would posit that culturally within Christian circles there is an unhealthy push for ALL young people to be married. While desiring marriage is not wrong, forcing and pushing people to get married is.

 

For instance, try getting a job as a youth pastor or minister if you are single? It's near impossible. Trust me, I have plenty of single Godly and over qualified Christian friends who want to be in full-time ministry but are not getting hired. The reasoning behind this is not Biblical but cultural. Churches are not hiring single youth pastors due to Christian cultural norms that are based on fear (single youth pastors might do something foolish with female students) or are based on incompetence (how is a single pastor going to relate to married people).

 

What I am saying through my example of single youth pastors is that churches penalize and sometimes treat Christians as weird or as 'outsiders' who are not married. This puts unwarranted pressure on young Christian adults to get married.

 

Here are some Christian dating stereotypes that need to be shattered:

 

1. The thought that EVERY Christian person wants to get married or that there is always someone out there for you! While this is the desire of most young Christians what IF God is calling that person to be single?

 

2. The thought that it is a shame when a Christian couple does not work out? If the goal of dating is to find out if two people are compatible and right for each other isn't it a success when they figure that out, even if they break up. Instead of pushing two people to be in a bad marriage why not celebrate that they are learning about themselves and have high standards?

 

3. That you must envision possibly marrying that person even before dating them, otherwise why date them? While you must have high standards on who to date it's impossible to think about marriage without getting to know someone. I knew there were some traits that attracted me to my wife before dating, but I was not thinking about marriage when we started dating. I wanted to slowly develop a relationship with her. Thinking and talking about marriage on a first date is awkward and puts way too much pressure on the couple!

 

Simply put, casual dating does not mean purposeless dating! Nor does it mean boundary-less dating.

 

What I mean by casual Christian dating is that we should set up a healthy atmosphere for Christian singles to build relationships in order to get to know each other without unnecessary pressure. Trust me, there is enough pressure for a guy to ask a girl on a date. He does not need added outside pressure. He also does not need for everyone to try and set him up. This only adds pressure and frustration to his dating life.

 

In the beginning stages of relationships it is good for couple's to slowly get to know each other, grow together, and evaluate if they want to seriously pursue each other. In this beginning stage a more casual approach is good. As couple's progress and have the famous 'determine the relationship' conversations and decide to move in a more serious direction THEN the topic of marriage can be broached.

 

Remember, this beginning phase of dating is not purposeless. The purpose is in getting to know the other person and evaluating whether you'd like to become a serious 'item' in the future. It is not boundary-less in that couple's should be limited into how much time they spend with each other and what they do together (especially alone). It should have accountability (in that I recommend all dating couples) to tell their parents when they start dating for advice and prayer support. I told my parents about my dates even when I was in my late 20's. But, the beginning of relationships do need to be organic and healthy. I've seen way too many Christian couples get married prematurely due to unneccesary outside pressures. This led to complications and problems in their marriages.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Do you think Christians should be more casual in their dating relationships earlier on?