There I was. Sitting in the back row at church as a single youth pastor on a Sunday morning. I surveyed the section of chairs that I was sitting in. A thought quickly came to me: almost everyone sitting in my section had tried to set me up on a date! Feelings of frustration flooded my soul. Why did everyone feel like it was their duty to find me a wife?
Many times Christian intentions are noble and good. Everyone simply wanted to see me happy. Unfortunately, they unknowingly put undue pressure and stress in my life by trying to get me to date their niece, granddaughter, friend, etc.
Here is why I believe Christians put undue pressure on others to date:
1. Within the Christian community it's culturally pushed to be married. For instance, many churches will not hire a single youth pastor. This is not a Biblical command, but a cultural one. I totally understand that it may not be wise to hire a young man out of college who is ministering to teenage girls a few years younger than him, BUT, in my years as a single youth pastor I found that there were many other successful youth ministries ran by singles. They were able to simply spend more time, effort, and energy upon their respective ministries. Culturally within churches it is assumed that everyone wants to be married and that you are somewhat weird or have an emotional or spiritual imbalance if you do not feel that way. A shift in understanding needs to happen.
2. Many Christians live like their happiness is tied up within their significant other. They may say that they trust God, but in reality, they have put their identity and trust upon their relationships. No one can fill your life like Jesus can, not even a Godly guy or gal. If your hope is in relationships it will automatically add pressure for you to find someone to date as your self-esteem depends on it.
3. Many Christians assume that the same way that they are happy will make someone else happy. Since marriage or dating is fulfilling a certain desire within their life they assume that two completely different people will have the same type of relationship. This is simply not true and unrealistic. It's better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. Period.
4. Unfortunately, many Christians take dating too seriously. Don't get me wrong, I think dating needs to be done with purpose, but every first date should not start out with a discussion on if the couple should be heading towards marriage. Adding the stress of being too serious too early is hard on a relationship. Run after Jesus, if someone can keep up with you develop a relationship with them, and then decide to ask that person out.
If you are happily married or dating someone do not put undue pressure on your friends to date. Maybe they are not ready, they're still recovering from a break-up, or they are truly trusting God to bring that person in their life. Hints and suggestions only fuel the fires of frustration.
Make sure you include single others and treat them as normal people. Be a friend, a listening ear if need be, and allow God to bring that right person if He so desires into their lives. Doing so will take the pressure off of that person so that they can focus on God's will and it will make you more enjoyable as a friend to be around!
If your a single guy or gal just know that the wait is always worth it. Don't put too much stress on yourself but focus on ways in which God is molding and shaping you so that you will be ready when the time comes.
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