Anxiety the PARALYZER!

I am an anxious person.

Does that statement surprise you? Most individuals who know me are generally surprised when they find out that I am an anxious person. As a high-school student I used to vomit due to nausea before every football game as I was anxious and nervous.  I have and continue to find ways to properly handle my anxiety.

- It’s estimated that 19 percent of the North American adult population (ages 18 to 54) experiences an anxiety disorder.
- Nearly one in three, 32 percent, say they worry “a lot” about losing their jobs.

HERE IS WHAT I KNOW ABOUT ANXIETY

1. Anxiety, or fear, will stop your growth as a person and as a human being if you let it. When you make decisions based off of your fear you generally sacrifice your long-term growth for a short-term fix.
2. Deep-seeded anxiety has roots in selfishness and control. Why are people anxious, because many times they are unable to control a particular situation. The opposite of anxiety is trust.
3. Habitual anxiety is sin and must be confronted and called as such.
4. People who are anxious have a problem focusing on anything on the horizon, except for the issue that is giving them stress. Anxiety can lead to bondage.
5. You can OVERCOME your fears and anxieties. It is possible.

HERE ARE SOME WAYS TO COMBAT ANXIETY

 

1. Verbally and audibly pray for peace. God will give it to you!

Philippians 4:6-7 " Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

 

2. Work extra hard at pushing through your fears to accomplish what you KNOW God has called you to do! Focus on the motivation for pushing through your fears.

I John 4:18 "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

 

3. Find the right person who knows your anxieties to be a confidante and to give you good advice and to be a cheerleader for you to push through your fears! You are more likely to do the right thing when you are being properly affirmed!

Anxiety can lead to paralysis in your life. Do not let it. Trust in God and push through to live to your redemptive potential!

The NOT SO Serious - What I've Learned After Three Months of Marriage!

I have heard that it has been said that for many couples it takes five years together for true intimacy to develop. I believe this to be true because when two individuals come together it is like having two different worlds collide.

The goal is for the joining together, (collision), to be permanent and lasting. While we have had our share of difficulties I can honestly say that I love my wife more each day!

Kim and I's world officially and ceremonially collided on November 9th, 2013 and I'm glad they did!

 

Here is a list of the NOT SO Serious lessons that I've learned in almost three months of marriage!

 

1. When it comes to choosing between the cat and you.....the cat wins, every time!
2. Country music can wear off on you. I drove home from work the other day listening to country music and did not realize it until I got home!
3. You start liking some of the same TV Shows. Luckily, I haven't stooped to watching Reba yet (there is still hope).
4. I still have not learned my lesson about keeping the toilet seat up. See previous post. http://cosentinoquickfix.blogspot.com/2014/01/what-ive-learned-after-two-months-of.html
5. Smiling while your spouse is upset is NEVER acceptable.
6. Never question the purchase of something that your wife thinks is vital (even if you don't).
7. Washing the dishes means making sure every noticeable stain or germ has been properly removed otherwise you will have to rewash.
8. Don't try and 'pump your wife up' to accomplish something. For some reason, women don't respond to pressure the same way guys do.
9. It is OK to eat leftover food in the fridge just be smart about giving your spouse a chance to eat what she thinks is valuable leftovers. The rule "No Name Fair Game" does not apply to the married couple's fridge.
10. Celebrate differences, life is too short to get annoyed by the little things. Your spouse is just as frustrated about certain things in YOU, yet loves you in spite of it!

What a Kidney Stone will Teach You.........

I had my first ever kidney stone and I pray my LAST ever kidney stone. I would never wish a kidney stone on my worst enemy. The pain was so severe on Tuesday morning that I literally passed out and was having convulsions on the bathroom floor. Luckily, the pain subsided enough so that Kim was able to rush me to the hospital to get me diagnosed and to where I was able to receive some pain treatment and medications. By the grace of God, the stone passed on Wednesday Morning.

This past Tuesday morning at 3:30 AM I came to a number of realizations............

1. I'm thankful for my wife! If I had this kidney stone three months earlier prior to marriage I would have been in trouble and unable to get to the hospital. Kim was also a phenomenal caretaker through a trying 36 hour period.
2. I am not invincible! So many times we think to ourselves that something won't happen to me. Well, it did.
3. I will never make light of the birthing process....ever! If the pain was remotely similar to giving birth I have a new found respect for mothers.
4. See you later Soda/Tea Products! It will be rare that you see me with any cola products. H20 to Go!
5. Most kidney stones, 80%, start their trail of tears from 3 AM - 6 AM! (Found this information out from Dr. Chandler)
6. People do care! The amount of texts, calls, and support that was shown to my wife and I was incredible. It is in the midst of trouble where true friendship and support is forged.
7. I do not know why but it is universal while in pain to sit on the toilet holding a trash can rocking back and forth! Regardless, of what type of sickness hits you that is the universal position that I came to know so well.
8. You are proud of what you birth! Currently, I still have the stone in a container and via a Twitter Name Inquiry have proudly named the kidney stone - Judas Boulder Cosentino (Big Betrayer). If women are proud of their babies let me have a little bit of pride over my 'baby'. Sorry if this is too weird for you, is it?
9. You desperately cry out for the rapture to happen at that moment!
10. I prayed that I would be a model of grace through this pain! I may have failed at times, but when you give grace while under significant pain, people take notice! (Plus, it's not their fault anyway)

How I Saw God Work Through the Midst of Tragedy - Kenny Lindley Funeral Recap

I was honored to officiate the funeral service of a former student of mine this past Saturday. He was killed in a car crash where a snow plough hit a semi that jack-knifed into his truck. He was killed instantly. The young man was only twenty years old.

 

As a youth pastor you never imagine burying one of your students. Never. We live though in a fallen world where tragedy happens. Christians can either shy away from this reality or stand in the gap and answer the call when something tragic happens! When the tenacity of darkness rears its ugly head that's when Christians need to be bold because the power of the light of Christ is stronger than the power of darkness and death!

 

God is always working, even in the midst of the most hopeless (so they appear) situations.

 

HERE ARE SOME WAYS IN WHICH I SAW GOD WORK

 

1. The young man had made a profession of faith during one of our winter retreats. I have the hope that he is with Jesus now!

2. I gave a hand raising invitation and saw at least three people raise their hands to want to accept Christ at the end of the service! This young man's death led to other people receiving life.

3. My former church helped make God look good. The church building and meal was prepared for free by the church family. After the service the step-father of the boy that was killed approached me and told me that he was expecting a simple cold-meat and cheese dinner, but the FCC church family had a full meal prepared with salads, hot dishes, and desserts. The church made an impression on him through their generosity. God's generosity was on full display.

4. I was reminded how impactful a dynamic youth ministry can be and how long lasting the effects are. This young man was accepted into our youth ministry even though he was deaf. We impacted him and he had an impact on us! Even though I had transitioned to serve at another church our youth ministry is still seeing fruit from seeds planted years ago.

5. Church family truly is family. We had an open microphone time where people could share. Half of the testimonies where from teenagers and staff within our youth ministry. We also formed a youth/youth worker choir when we sang. You could tell the crowd that had gathered was amazed and impressed at the support that our church family was extending. I loved that former students, friends, and youth workers joined in the choir.

6. I got to spend some valuable time with a friend and brother in the Lord. While driving to and from the graveside I drove in the hearse with Brian Decamp who is a funeral home director, former elder of FCC, and friend. I enjoyed and benefited from our conversation.

7. The funeral service was truly honoring to the deceased and to God. The eulogy, testimonies, video, songs, and gospel presentation were well presented and received.

8. There were many there at the funeral who needed to hear about hope. On Sunday, I had a conversation with a cop that attends my current church and works in the Wolcottville area. He knew of a number of individuals that were attending the funeral that were lost. I encouraged him because the gospel was clearly presented and hope was preached!

9. During the graveside ceremony I had everyone extend their hands as a symbolic gesture in dedicating the deceased soul to the Lord. It was a powerful moment.

10. It increased my fervor for the gospel! I hand a young man approach me who was part of our youth ministry in Kendallville while as a Jr. Higher but had slowly faded away as a Sr. Higher. After the service he approached me and told me that he had recently accepted Christ as Savior! I also got to rub shoulders with countless people that I have been ministering to and working on to come to the Lord through the years. My prayer is that through seeing God's grace on display they are one step closer to accepting Christ. The gospel is life changing!

 

I have a saying: Once a student of mine ALWAYS dear to my HEART! My thoughts and prayers continue to go out to the family.



 

A picture that Kim took after the service where people were dismissed to pay their final respects to the deceased. (I am standing in the far right to be a comfort as needed).

What I've Learned After Two Months of Marriage.......(Kim May Disagree)

Kim and I have been married now for a little over two months. The gifts have been properly stored, the 'Thank You' cards have been written and sent, and the magical aura of being newly weds is slowly starting to wear off....(Nah, I just made that last part up).

 

My point though, is that we are starting to get into a regular routine of life which is good.

 

Here is a list of some of the lessons that I have learned concerning marriage these past two months:

 

1. Your wife WILL call you out if you habitually leave the toilet seat up.

2. Expectations need to properly be communicated BEFORE the marriage and DURING the marriage. The majority of disagreements stem from expectations that the spouse has that have been programmed or conditioned into their being through their rearing or past relationships.

3. When your wife is venting at you do not take it as a personal attack or quickly give an answer. Sympathize!

4. Thank your wife for making dinner....EVEN if it's leftovers.

5. Statistically, a husband has a 33% increase of being physically intimate with his wife if he helps clean-up and do the dishes after dinner (Read this in a Dr. Smalley book). I do the dishes after every meal....just ask my wife.

6. Husbands are the designed leaders of the family. While we are a team God has designed the marriage relationship to work when the man is the spiritual protector and initiator.

7. Never go to bed angry at each other.

8. Understand each other's pasts because it has helped shape the who each spouse is today.

9. Pray together.

10. Satan will do what he can to drive a wedge between a husband and a wife.

11. Be spontaneous.

12. Do some things even if you do not enjoy doing them. Do them because you want to honor your spouse (i.e. any household chore and different dating excursions).

13. Make sure your spouse can express themself and flourish to how God has created them.

14. Try new things.

15. Remind your wife that you would marry her again today.

 

Every Kiss begins with Kim!

Why a Youth Ministry 2nd Campus - Boys and Girls Club First Meeting Reaction

Our world is changing. Life therefore changes. Ministry to be relevant changes its methodology to reach people. The changing eventually trickles down to how youth ministry is done.

Isn't this process backward?

Shouldn't youth ministry be cutting edge because it deals with students who are at the cusp of cultural relevancy? If we start with figuring out what works in reaching teenagers with gospel truth that methodology will become the norm for the way church is done in the future. Whether we want to admit it we live in a 'young thinking' world. 

Throughout my years of experience in youth ministry I have become a firm proponent in the belief that an effective youth ministry should have a second campus to outreach and equip it's leaders.

I have been a part of two different youth ministries that had 'branch' campuses and how each is structured was different due to our youth ministry's vision and mission. My past youth ministry had a second campus and partnered with Campus Life to do outreach at our local middle-school's cafeteria. My current youth ministry just partnered with the Boys and Girls Club in Goshen to reach and equip students on Wednesdays.

Here is why every youth ministry should think about opening up a second campus to do ministry:

1. Your church or youth ministry cannot possibly reach everyone in your area. Your church is only going to attract a certain type of person. The saying is true, birds of a feather flock together. The same is even more true of popularity and territory driven teenagers. On top of that many teenagers can not logistically get to youth group on time if their parent is working or if they live to far away. Opening up a second campus to do ministry allows you to reach a broader spectrum of people. Each campus looks different and that's OK as long as the mission is the same. We are trying to reach a different spectrum of student at our Boys and Girls club outreach ministry, therefore, our programming must be different.
2. Youth ministry that focuses on programming in it's own building can get stale...and quickly. If the programming is for your churched teens they can quickly get to thinking that church and youth ministry is all about them! This is a false perspective that I try to drive out of my teenagers. We have a global mandate to reach all nations. It starts by reaching teenagers in your own town.
3. You get to equip your teenagers for ministry. The best person to lead a teenager to the Lord is (drum roll please) another teenager! Having a second campus gives me comfortability in giving budding teen leaders an opportunity to develop their gifts. Every week we will have a teen lead our game time, a different teen share their testimony, a different teen teach, and all of our teens will be intentional about ministering in a small group setting. If something does not go 'right' it's OK because many students that we are ministering to at the Boys and Girls Club have zero church background and simply are happy that we are there investing into their lives. It's a perfect opportunity to develop your own teenagers.
4. It brings enthusiasm back to your own youth ministry. For example, we will do programming at the Boys and Girls Club every Wednesday before youth group. This past week we took close to 30 students and ministered to 50+ elementary and middle-school students. When we had our Jr. High and Sr. High youth group I had every teen who went to our outreach ministry stand in a line in front of their peers and share the name of ONE student whom they had gotten to know and a little bit about each student. The effect of this exercise was more than positive as we had students sign up later that night to join us in our outreach ministry. It also gave me an opportunity to pound home yet again a missional value of our youth group in that we will do what it takes to reach lost students.
5. It's, dare I say, the new wave of youth ministry. Teenagers are looking to connect. Many enjoy connecting with a small to moderate group of like-minded individuals. A way to encourage growth in your youth ministry is to help lead these different groups, where each has their own flavor, but yet the mission, values, and culture is the same. It will be important for our youth ministry going forward to plug the students that we are ministering to into our home church and every couple of times have events that are combined events (retreats, conferences, etc) so that all of our students see that they are part of something that is BIGGER than themselves.

I'm proud of how well our students were in being intentional and caring for different students at the Boys and Girls Club. In fact, the manager of the Boys and Girls club came to me elated at the number and intentionality of our teenagers. We made an impression on him!

When you get a bunch of teenagers to focus, equip them, and give them a missional task - WATCH OUT!

A Coach's Leadership Tree - The True Measure of Greatness

I recently read that Tony Dungy (Coach) and Derrick Brooks (Player) were named as finalists to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Tony Dungy is a brother in the Lord and was an outstanding coach. He was soft-spoken yet determined, a true player's coach, and a Super Bowl winning coach. (He should have won an additional Super Bowl championship with the team that he had built earlier in his career, the Tampa Bay Bucaneers too, just saying). Derrick Brooks, was one of the best linebackers at his position for a decade who had no weaknesses and was a team captain on that Tampa Bay Super Bowl winning defense.

Tony Dungy had a special relationship with Derrick Brooks and the other defensive team captain Warren Sapp. He would personally write a letter to both before the season explaining his admiration for them as players, but also his expectations of what their leadership would look like during the course of the season. Tony's leadership was infused into his players. Not only was his leadership infused into his players, but there are a number of coaches that coached under Tony that went on to be head coaches in the NFL. One of those coaches is the current Steelers coach Mike Tomlin.

Good leaders develop a tree of talent. From the base of their leadership their influence branches out. Good leaders reproduce themselves. They are not afraid to lose leaders that they have developed, instead they are secure knowing that while some under them will transition that other young leaders will want to be a part of their team. Good leaders understand that while those under them may eventually leave for a 'promotion' that it's simply an added extension of the leader's ministry. It's not subtraction of developed staff, it's multiplication!

It's fun to look back on some of the past students/relationships of individuals who are now in or are pursuing full-time ministry that I had the privilege of developing/pushing.

Here is a short list of people, (my coaching tree) who are pursuing full-time ministry, that I've had the privilege of coaching:
1. Andrew Tilley (High-School) - Degree in Youth Ministry serving in his local church
2. Zach McCue - Working on his Master's and a Senior Pastor of a church in Columbia City
3. Logan Conley - A Youth Director and leader at Urban Hope Ministries in Philadelphia, PA
4. Shawn Mason - Interim Pastor at First Christian Church
5. Josh Leonhardt - Future OB leader and Youth Ministry Major
6. Andrea Farren - Attends Grace College and is focusing on Youth Ministry/Youth Counseling
7. Quinton Howell - Attends Grace College and is Majoring in Biblical Studies
8. Tristan Spuller - High-School student soon to be Youth Ministry Major
9. Charlie Hirschy - Part-time Youth Director and student at the church where I interned during college
10. Cassie Gram - Will be attending Grace College to focus on Youth Ministry

Let it be known that there are a plethora of other students who are not pursuing full-time ministry that I have had the privilege of mentoring and who are doing significant and powerful kingdom advancement work! You don't have to be in full-time ministry to have a large kingdom impact!

Let it ALSO be known that I can't wait to develop and push the teenagers at my current church to live to their redemptive potential! The process of multiplication never stops!

2 Timothy 2:2 "And the things you heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others."

One of the biggest compliments a person can pay you is that they would LOVE to work UNDER YOU!

Ever person should be discipling and mentoring someone else. Are you? Do you have a coaching tree?

Start with one person and meet regularly...it's that simple.

Logan and Andrea presenting me with an 'Equipping' Award. Honestly, the plaque means little compared with the two changed persons next to me.

 

I grew up in a small youth ministry in South Central Pa. That youth ministry has produced two youth pastors, a youth pastor's wife, and a worship pastor! Effective fruit.

 

A picture of lifetime friend Jared and his wife. Great to see that Jared is working under my father and is part of his "coaching tree".