What ONE YEAR of MARRIAGE will teach you!

I have been married for a year!

In no other time period in history will I be married for exactly a year. I took some time therefore to think about all that I have learned about marriage within this past year.

 

Top Things a Year of Marriage will Teach You

 

1. You don't really know someone until you live with them! The inverse is equally true in that you don't fully know yourself until you live with someone. For example, I never knew that I snored. Living with someone will help you not only come to a full understanding of who they are but a full understanding of who YOU are!
2. Everyone has areas of particularity (some of which you will never understand!) Make sure you know your spouse's areas of particularity so you can honor them through your actions. For example, my wife wants the trash taken out to the road for pick-up every week (even if there is just a small bag in the trash can). This is important to her, therefore, it needs to be important to me!
3. You'll get invited to do more things with other couples! Newly wed couples are looking to forge a new marriage identity and this motivates them to do things with other newly wed couples.
4. Learning how a person communicates and how you as a couple communicates is imperative! In every couple there tends to be a person that is more direct and confrontational while their spouse tends to be more indirect and subtle in handling conflict. The key is that the direct person needs to be gentler and more intuitive in dialogue while the indirect person needs to learn to be more frank and direct. Meeting each other half way in the middle and not criticizing each other's communication methodology is key.
5. You will accrue a lot of stuff! Trust me.
6. Much joy comes from doing something that makes the other person happy! My wife knows that I love fishing and the beach so we do that sometimes together as dates. My wife loves ice hockey games so I do that sometimes with her as a date. You'll get more joy out of your marriage if your selfless.
7. Allow intimacy to develop! Many couples based off of previous relationship experiences never allow their spouse to fully see their heart, plans, and desires. Allow the other person in on your life. My wife and I pray every night before going to sleep. This builds a spiritual atmosphere of trust and gives me a sneak peak into what is important within my wife's mind.
8. Understand that your spouse is God's BEST for YOU! Why should my eyes wander and look at someone else? My spouse is God's best for ME.
9. Don't stop holding hands!
10. Make future goals together! Dream together. Do things TOGETHER!
11. You will get your feelings hurt! Make sure you push through your emotions and do the right thing by owning up to your mistakes.
12. Expect major road blocks, especially early on! Every couple that I talked with encountered major roadblocks within the first few months of their marriage. It will happen to you but that's why God has given you someone else to help you navigate through those times together.
13. Explore together! Take trips and do adventurous things together. This will help keep your marriage fresh.
14. Give yourself room to breath and develop as individuals. Learn that it's good if your spouse has other friends that they are able to do things with. There is not a whole lot of solitude when married so embrace and enjoy those quiet times to reflect and develop yourself.
15. It gets better! So far I can honestly say that I love my wife more today than I did yesterday.

Happy One Year Anniversary KIM!

 

I'd get married again today to you KIM!

 



Judgment House Recap - 2014

I love Judgment House!

 

Before, I give reasons as to why Judgment House is a great event I need to mention that this event at our church was not even my idea. This event has been a thriving outreach to the community and was started under the leadership of Rich Yauger years ago.

 

As a developing leader I am constantly evaluating events deciding which events should stay, which events should stay and be changed, or which events should be dropped. This is an event that definitely should stay (with minor revisions through the years).

 

This year we saw 719 people walk through Judgment House and saw 153 people make a decision for Jesus!

 

Here is what I love about Judgment House:

1. It allows teenagers to use their giftedness in communicating gospel truth! This year's cast consisted of over 50+ teenagers that worked hard in memorizing lines and acting within their scenes.

2. It's visual! It's one thing to hear about a real life scenario and yet another to see it!

3. It's powerful! People give their lives to Jesus. On our first night we had a 44 year old woman give her life to the Lord. On Wednesday Night a teenager that was suicidal gave their life to Jesus! Wow!

4. It allows for partnership! We had 10-15 students from Grace College come every night and help be counselors as people made decisions. We used their help and they got trained in how to lead someone to the Lord!

5. It strengthens other local youth groups! The best thing for the teenagers in a community is if there are a lot of strong youth programs. Every year we invite other youth ministries to come to Judgment House with the hope that it is beneficial for their group. We had over 5 youth groups this year walk through and many of their teenagers accepted Jesus!

6. It allows teenagers and adults to outreach together! It takes around 100 people a night (half teenagers and half adults) to pull off an effective Judgment House. It's all about intergenerational missional living!

7. It creates momentum for Axis youth ministries! This event creates momentum within our youth ministry in hosting events that will reach lost people. Next event - the Red Eye All-Nighter!



 

THANK YOU to everyone that helped out with our Judgment House this year!

 

Eternity will NOT be the same!

 

Our Wednesdays Night total cast picture!

 

Our Car Crash Scene Cast!

 

 

I turn 30 years old today......A Comparison of Perspectives of when I turned 10, 20, and 30 years old!

Today I am three decades old!

First off, I always find it odd that we celebrate the person who was born INSTEAD OF the mother who carried and delivered that baby after 9 months! Therefore, thank you and congratulations Mom! You deserve more honor than I do today!

On a different note I took some time to think about the difference in perspective of each birthday  namely my 10 year, 20 year, and 30 year birthdays.

Here's the difference (not at all an exhaustive list) on perspective of each decade changing birthday.

 

A Decade can make a HUGE difference!

Taco Bell

10 Year Old - What's Taco Bell? Mom says it's unhealthy!
20 Year Old - Taco Bell is my late night filling food of choice!
30 Year Old - Why does Taco Bell use caulk guns in preparing food? It tastes good, but only in small portions and not late at night!

Staying Up Late

10 Year Old - I got to stay up past 9 PM tonight....it was awesome!

20 Year Old - I start feeling alive at 9 PM and can't wait to do things with my dorm mates all night!

30 Year Old - I'm thinking about bed at 9 PM and in bed not soon after!

 

Working with Teenagers

10 Year Old - Teens are intimidating!

20 Year Old - I can do anything a teenager does and "top it"

30 Year Old - These teenagers look like "little kids"
 



What's In a Birthday

10 Year Old - Cake and Ice Cream, Chuck E Cheese's, and MONEY!

20 Year Old - MONEY!

30 Year Old - Just another day

 

Thoughts on People of the Opposite Sex

10 Year Old - Glad I got MY cootie shot! Gross.

20 Year Old - Single and ready to mingle!

30 Year Old - Happily married and glad all the drama is over with!

 

Driving

10 Year Old - It will be forever until I get my license!

20 Year Old - I got a need for speed!

30 Year Old - I set my cruise control for 5-10 mph over. Max.

 

Hope you enjoyed some truth with a little bit of humor OR maybe a little bit of truth with a lot of humor :)

While life and perspective change I pray that I will never lose a heart for God and His people. May that be a constant variable throughout my years.

 

Psalm 71:18

"Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come."

 

The older I get the more responsible I am to declare God's power to the next generation! My role and responsibility only increase in the years to come. I don't know what God will do in the next decade and how my perspective on life will change.....I just know I'm excited about enjoying each individual day of the next 3,650 days (that's how many until my 40th birthday)! Who knows where I will be at in life by the age of 40!?!?



 



Wait, You are telling me that teenagers CAN be SERIOUS?!?

I will never understand why many youth ministries ONLY capitalize on the fact that teenagers want to have fun. While it is true that teenagers want to have fun they also want to go deeper in their walk with Jesus. Teenagers want to BOTH have fun and GROW in their Christian faith.

Youth ministry, therefore, should be thrilling because if done effectively the youth pastor/youth workers can enjoy fun AND build deep discipleship relationships with the teenagers in their group.

Why then do many youth ministries simply have fun as a priority and then try to add a smidgeon of Jesus?

Answer: It's easier. (Seriously, it's not hard to throw a party every youth group). Digging down into teenagers' lives is hard and messy.

It may be subtle, but it is noticeable. Is your youth ministry more about introducing teenagers to Jesus in a fun way OR about having fun and hoping the teenagers involved get something about Jesus?

This past Wednesday we broke from our normal youth group routine. After a fun opening activity I simply gave the teenagers an open forum to ask any spiritual questions they wanted of me. It was nothing more than a Q & A time. Teenagers were told they could ask any question as long as it was appropriate and had to deal with a spiritual matter.

I was flooded with questions about:
1. God's stance on war
2. Best witnessing techniques
3. How to properly confront a friend
4. God's view on homosexuality
5. What God thinks about tattoos

I even had a young girl openly confess that her friend was cutting and that she wanted help in knowing what to do!

Do you know what is most surprising about these questions? They were asked by Jr. Highers!

That's right. The same Jr. Highers that are picking their nose and flinging boogers one minute are asking deep theological questions that many adults ponder the next minute!

You see, a youth ministry must gives teenagers a forum to ask pertinent questions about life otherwise those same teenagers will think the church is irrelevant and leave it upon graduating!

Students really WANT to get deeper. Encourage this and don't remain on the surface with EVERY youth group meeting!

What we can learn from MONKEY BRAINS!

When I think of monkey brains the first image that comes to my mind is from the video: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. During the movie the people get served a delicacy for dessert: MONKEY BRAINS! 

 

(As a child this part of the movie grossed me out. As a teenager this part went from being gross to being grossly awesome!)

 

This past week I focused on my PhD work and attended a conference in Washington D.C. The conference's theme was on Neuroscience.

 

During one of the presentations it became evident that we can learn a lot from monkey brains!

 

Curious, here's how

 

1. Researchers discovered that a specific part of a monkey's brain becomes active when they participate in activities where motion and doing happen (i.e. grabbing a stick and scratching their head).

2. Researchers also discovered that the same identical part of a monkey's brain that becomes active when they do certain activities also becomes active when they watch someone else model the same activity (i.e. a trainer grabbing a stick and scratching their head). In other words, they have mirror neurons that are embedded within their brains!

3. Researchers startlingly found out though that when the monkey would watch someone else do something similar to the action, but not necessarily do that same action, that the identical part of the monkey's brain would not be active as in previous scenarios. (i.e. a trainer grabbing a stick and instead of scratching his head he would wave it).  In other words, mirror neurons could also perceive intent ion of actions!

 

Simply put, neuroscience has proven that belief is learned through mirroring and imitating other's beliefs AND that belief is in doing something!

 

No one believes something simply by hearing a bunch of knowledge. Believing is tied to our mirror neurons which become active when we see and do what we have observed.

 

It is crazy, but neurologically proven, that God has embedded within our brain, mirror neurons, that help us to be active participants and 'doers' who embody our beliefs instead of learning through content dumps.

 

We truly are - "fearfully and wonderfully made."

 

 God has designed us to imitate others and we are wired to be active participators of our faith! Why else would he order people to repent AND then be baptized!

 

One must see and then do to fully believe!

 

Why I am proud to be a C.O.S.E.N.T.I.N.O. - A tribute to Papa

My grandfather, Papa, passed away early this past Thursday morning. Instead of a perpetual feeling of sadness, (although I am sad), the primary emotion and feeling of being blessed and grateful over flooded my heart before, during, and after the funeral service. Seriously, how many people get to know all four of their biological grandparents for the first 30 years of their lives? Seriously, hundreds of people were praying for my grandfather and for my family! I am a blessed man!

While I am saddened over the loss of Papa I had the opportunity to learn from and build off of many of his admirable traits. He allowed future generations to stand on his shoulders so that they would reach heights that he could only dream of.

I am proud to be a Cosentino. Here are just a few reasons why:

1. Cosentino's are courageous. My papa moved from Italy as a teenager to the United States. He went to school for 3 years to learn English. Many people would have let their fear keep them in their homeland. Papa was courageous as he stepped through the unknown. His story is truly an American Dream story.
2. Cosentino's value service. Papa served in the military as a cook. He was proud to serve and be a citizen of the United States.
3. Cosentino's not only work hard, but they give their best. The phrase, he was a hard worker, is fairly cliché because it gets overused. Papa was more than a hard worker, he gave his best. He made sure that his family received the best when it came to where they lived, what they ate, and where they went to school.
4. Cosentino's are part of a tight-knit family. We easily had 75 family members at the funeral. All extended family showed up. When you have nothing left we always have each other.
5. Cosentino's are short. When your last name means "Little One from Cosenza" you will be short. Just a newsflash too - we like being short as well!
6. Cosentino's are providers. Papa provided for his family and his future inheritance will help provide for future generations. Even though Papa's father left his family, Papa stayed and provided for his.
7. Cosentino's are direct. One never had to guess what Papa was thinking, he would always tell you. Cosentino's are not afraid to be truthful and vocal when necessary (sometimes unnecessarily ;)
8. Cosentino's have a stubborn resolve. Papa was hard to sway or deter when his mind was made up. We know how to push forward.
9. Cosentino's are hungry for knowledge. Papa made sure that his sons went to the best colleges. All of his sons and eligible grandkids have college degrees. Some are working towards and have a Master's Degree. Currently, I am working towards a Ph.D. He would constantly tell me to "expand my mind" and to gain knowledge.
10. Cosentino's are true to themselves. Some of my fondest memories of Papa was when I lived with my grandparents during the summer of my junior year of high-school. I had the opportunity to drive with Papa into downtown Pittsburgh, work as an intern with my uncle, and then drive home. Every ride home we would be stuck in rush hour traffic. Papa would blast classic Italian music, roll down his windows, and sing out loud. He'd even wear a piece of cloth on his left ear (the side that was more exposed to the sun) in order to not get sunburn. People driving by would see a 70 year old man dressed in a suit driving a black Lexus belting out Italian music at the top of his lungs while driving with one hand so as to hold up his ear piece. Let's just say a lot of people chuckled and laughed as they drove by. (I tried to squirm lower in the passenger seat so as not to be seen). This never bothered Papa because he was true to himself and knew how to enjoy life. This is what mattered.

Proud to carry the Cosentino name! Proud to be a grandson of Joseph Cosentino.

 

May I build off of this legacy!

 

How a little girl can make a GROWN MAN cry!

Overall, I feel like I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. (When I was in 6th grade I had an open dislocated bone, where the bone popped out of my right ring finger, and while wincing a few times I never cried).

If you are trying to get me to cry it's probably easier if you'd use emotional tactics instead of physical ones. In fact, I almost cried after speaking with a 5th grade girl this Sunday.

This girl and her mother told me that she asks to pray for my grandfather, (Papa), almost every single night! This deeply impacted my heart.

My grandfather, (Papa), is slowly dying of pulmonary fibrosis which is a disease that scars the lungs. He's losing weight and energy. He will be lucky if he makes it much past the holiday season.

You see while I am worried about Papa's health physically I'm even more worried spiritually. He doesn't know Jesus. As a whole, in his life, he's wanted nothing to do with Jesus. The reality of his impending death makes that fact sink deeper into my soul.

Who knows though that due to this young girl's prayers for salvation that God will open up his eyes as he nears death? Can you imagine that it may be because of a young girl that my Papa will be in heaven?

If all believers in Jesus are part of a royal priesthood (i.e. I Peter 2:9) than this girl has a direct connection through Jesus to the Father! Her prayers are just as powerful as any other human beings.

Children's prayers are important and powerful. Who knows, maybe it will be this young girl's prayers that will tip the scales whereby the Holy Spirit will move in my Papa's life? Wouldn't that be something!?!